Chronic Pain Depresses Life

When pain is chronic, a marriage struggles to grow. Depression intensifies in both, creating a desire to be alone. When love is miserable, hope will flow.

 

I’m Sorry I Love You

Nothing can even begin to explain

The sorrow I live because I love you

I have tried everything to ease your pain

Instead I’m left empty with nothing new.

 

I give my body whenever you wish

Willing to sacrifice the love I need

“Please eat my flesh like I’m a gourmet dish!”

I’m wondering if your soul I did feed.

 

The passion of our youth fades in the past

Creating a canyon of distance, too

“What is left for us to forever last?”

A union so strong there’s one thing to do.

 

Trust in our love that is unbreakable

“I’m sorry your life is so miserable.”

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“I Do Believe, Help My Unbelief!”

Who [indeed] is the victor over the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?  I John 5:5

 

Just Believe

 

He told us He is the Resurrection

The very life we all desire.

He said we could have it, too,

If we just believe and never tire.

It is so hard, though, to always believe

In this Truth that seems so strange

Contrary to this culture of death

Many say to follow Christ is deranged.

 

“Do you really believe, only a man

Could rise from the dead and live?”

I answer this question only one way,

“I believe in the Gift He did give.”

I believe in His Loving Sacrifice

Found outstretched on a Cross.

I believe He is God’s only Son

Who came to save His lost.

 

The condition of this darkened world

Tells me every single day

That every human being is lost

And there is only One Saving Way.

Jesus is the Way to Life

The evidence, to me, is concrete

So I believe in Him with all my heart

And with my mouth, His Good News I speak.

 

Accept the Lord and you will see

The Truth is shown in His Light

Peace is perfect when you know

Jesus has won the fight.

The battle continues throughout a lifetime

As temptation to sin darkens our past

But Jesus paid for all with His Blood

So through the Gates of Heaven, we may pass.

 

All we need to do is believe…

Grace is All We Need

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Dad and me in May 2018.

Grace is All We Need

You said, “Thank you,”

When I hugged your frail body

I was overwhelmed with your gratitude

Because we decided to come see you

There’s something you know that we don’t

You know this is not good

You know there is something seriously wrong

So you’re thankful your children came,

And we all came because you’re our Dad

We want to honor you

While distance keeps some of us physically apart

Our connection is spiritually linked

When I pray to God for you

I can hear your voice, Dad

And you’re telling me

“Take care of your mother, Kristin,”

And I promise, Dad, we will

As you express gratitude for each of your children

All four of us coming to see you,

Loving you in our own way,

Giving you hugs, kisses, and words of encouragement

We want you to be comfortable

We want you to have peace

We must accept this inevitable reality that you already know,

The truth that there is something very wrong

It looks like you’re being called home, Dad

And it’s so difficult to watch

Far away, home in my distant state

I’m in touch with my brother and sister

My mom and my cousin are keeping me updated

And by all accounts, it’s not good

You’re falling asleep, Dad

With some pain

With much sorrow

And I can only bear it

Because I believe in the faith you gave us

You’re going to live for eternity

In Heaven, with God and all the souls who love you

In the end, this is our faith, Dad

And Grace is all we need.

I love you, Dad, may you live forever with God in paradise, Amen!

Receive God’s Breath

I wrote this poem for my husband’s younger brother who died in 2014. His birthday was remembered last month by all of us who love him. Pondering all the loved ones who have died in years past and my dad who is currently fighting a deadly disease, I find hope in God and his promise of eternal life. Faith, Hope, and Love, in the end, that’s all there is…

Questions: Life and Death

Simon Peter answered him, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.”  John 6: 68-69

I constantly ask God questions during my prayers, wondering who I am and where I fit into this mysterious life. One day I will die as everyone dies, especially connected to those whom I have loved. From disease, accidents, or old age, these mortal bodies will eventually break down and cease to live. But will we cease to exist? That is the ultimate question: what will happen when these bodies die? Jesus gives us an answer, and I believe in his powerful promise. To know Jesus is to know eternal life, and that is an awesome answer!

 

Fallen

Do we study our history and learn from our mistakes?

Do we humble our hearts for our future’s sake?

Do we sacrifice for our children long before they’re conceived?

Do we honor the gift of life, and in our posterity, we believe?

Do we hope for a tomorrow that may never be seen?

Do we trust in this moment living as a simple human being?

 

Individually, we must answer these questions if we ever want to thrive

Do I truly live in freedom and respect this mystery of being alive?

Do I judge my life is meaningful in this tiny speck of time?

Do I revere the life of others who are body, soul, and mind?

Do I love the image of God revealed in humanity’s invisible soul?

Do I share the promise of salvation which is a gift I deeply know?

 

I do seek the Lord of Lords and worship the King of Kings!

Faithfully following the Father and Son

One with the Spirit, I sing

I am saved!

I am alive!

Trusting the promise

Of the One!

 

 

 

 

 

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Depression Forces Isolation

photo of woman looking at a flower field
Photo by Matej Čerkez on Pexels.com

As a person who suffers depression, I have depended on the comforting peacefulness of solitude. Even though I desire to have friendships and spend time with people, the reality of my emotional passion limits the amount of time I can socialize with others. Sometimes friends and family understand this, sometimes they don’t, either way, it’s a strain that often contributes to distant or broken relationships.

Alone with my thoughts, I blame myself for everything, and this is impossible to withstand. Fighting to defeat the negative self-talk, I write poetry to help me understand and forgive myself for being the depressive person I am. About 5 years ago, I wrote the following poem after several important relationships ended in my life, and all I could think about was how I messed up, telling myself that my strong emotions of sorrow and anger made me unapproachable. Writing this poem inspired me to practice forgiveness constantly, which is very difficult to do yet is essential to have peace of mind and a healing heart.  Because of this revelation, I choose every day to forgive myself and others with mercy, kindness, and understanding.

 

Unapproachable You

You’re unapproachable, don’t you know

Your transparent anger keeps others away

Offended by everything, you turn and go

Unwilling to fight for a friend and stay.

 

You think you must be liked for who you are

High in the universe, you refuse to beg

Believing you have already gone too far

Standing alone, there’s much you’ve said.

 

You speak the truth, with all its pain

Death and decay depletes life and growth

Completely alone, you drown in the rain

Consumed by the evil you so deeply loathe.

 

Perfection is your desire for everyone else

For yourself you want respect for your faults

You live life wanting it fueled by generous wealth

And poverty rules with your daily serving of loss.

 

Depression has become your loyal best friend

Always there for as long as you can remember

Everyone smiles even when your friendships end

While your emotions erupt from a smoldering ember.

 

Seeking Love in a Loveless World

…and he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. –Proverbs 11:25

Seeking Love in a Loveless World

Futile in this world to find

Felt deep in this heart of mine

A faithful love that is truly kind

 

Charity in this world passes me by

Making my depressive mind think it a lie

A faithful love that will never die

 

Hope for this world while I live

Kindness for others I try to give

A faithful love that will always forgive

 

Only from one do I find true love

This heavenly gift comes from above

A faithful love that is deeply enough

 

Filling me with warmth holy and pure

For my cyclical depression, the only cure

A faithful love that will forever endure.

K.A. Ball  2018

 

Through many years of prayer and contemplation, meditating on the Scriptures and Church teachings, I have come to believe that the reality of love exists in the Holy Presence of a Loving God. How is it that I can come to know and commune with the God of Love?

Jesus came to earth to teach us how to know and love God. By his miracles, awesome teachings, and merciful death and resurrection, as a disciple of Christ, we can choose to live a life constantly seeking to know and love the One True God. With Prayer, the Gospels, and the church, revelations about God’s love for me is experienced at times when I’m at my lowest. God’s love saves me; His mercy endures forever.

In God’s presence, I understand that mercy is an essential virtue to practice when loving others because this world is imperfect. As a weak human being who makes daily mistakes, I am constantly following the way of Jesus so I can love like him.

Jesus teaches: But to you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you , pray for those who mistreat you; then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as [also] your Father is merciful. –Luke 6: 27, 35-36