Beauty of Life or Sorrow of Suicide

Feelings Unite Us

I feel your emotions so deep, no matter the feeling it is

It can be overwhelming to share your emotions

To embrace this gift God has trusted me to live

Beyond order and self-discipline

I seek to find balance within

I love you and this is it

I feel your pain and joy

To want life not death

So sorrowful to sense

Your desire to end

How will I

Save you?

 

Too many young people succeed in ending their lives, and this truth breaks my heart and makes me worry for our children. Death has become an increasingly acceptable choice for people, young and old alike, who simply want to end their pain and control the uncontrollable. Pain and suffering is triumphant over the desire to hope for a better tomorrow. Hope has become a rare virtue in our world full of despair, and we watch in horror as those in our lives make the final decision to give up.

As a sensitive empathic, I feel the pain and hopelessness of others, united with my own pain and suffering, I weep with meaning. These powerful emotions, which are uniquely human, give me insight into a reality beyond the natural world. Even more, I pray with confident hope and hold onto the awesome truth that choosing life, for myself and others, is a divine blessing. I believe in a God of love who is intimately involved in our lives, and I believe God created all people with a purpose and place is this desperate world.

This is my prayer: Please Lord, show us the beauty of life!

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Depression Forces Isolation

photo of woman looking at a flower field
Photo by Matej Čerkez on Pexels.com

As a person who suffers depression, I have depended on the comforting peacefulness of solitude. Even though I desire to have friendships and spend time with people, the reality of my emotional passion limits the amount of time I can socialize with others. Sometimes friends and family understand this, sometimes they don’t, either way, it’s a strain that often contributes to distant or broken relationships.

Alone with my thoughts, I blame myself for everything, and this is impossible to withstand. Fighting to defeat the negative self-talk, I write poetry to help me understand and forgive myself for being the depressive person I am. About 5 years ago, I wrote the following poem after several important relationships ended in my life, and all I could think about was how I messed up, telling myself that my strong emotions of sorrow and anger made me unapproachable. Writing this poem inspired me to practice forgiveness constantly, which is very difficult to do yet is essential to have peace of mind and a healing heart.  Because of this revelation, I choose every day to forgive myself and others with mercy, kindness, and understanding.

 

Unapproachable You

You’re unapproachable, don’t you know

Your transparent anger keeps others away

Offended by everything, you turn and go

Unwilling to fight for a friend and stay.

 

You think you must be liked for who you are

High in the universe, you refuse to beg

Believing you have already gone too far

Standing alone, there’s much you’ve said.

 

You speak the truth, with all its pain

Death and decay depletes life and growth

Completely alone, you drown in the rain

Consumed by the evil you so deeply loathe.

 

Perfection is your desire for everyone else

For yourself you want respect for your faults

You live life wanting it fueled by generous wealth

And poverty rules with your daily serving of loss.

 

Depression has become your loyal best friend

Always there for as long as you can remember

Everyone smiles even when your friendships end

While your emotions erupt from a smoldering ember.

 

Seeking Love in a Loveless World

…and he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. –Proverbs 11:25

Seeking Love in a Loveless World

Futile in this world to find

Felt deep in this heart of mine

A faithful love that is truly kind

 

Charity in this world passes me by

Making my depressive mind think it a lie

A faithful love that will never die

 

Hope for this world while I live

Kindness for others I try to give

A faithful love that will always forgive

 

Only from one do I find true love

This heavenly gift comes from above

A faithful love that is deeply enough

 

Filling me with warmth holy and pure

For my cyclical depression, the only cure

A faithful love that will forever endure.

K.A. Ball  2018

 

Through many years of prayer and contemplation, meditating on the Scriptures and Church teachings, I have come to believe that the reality of love exists in the Holy Presence of a Loving God. How is it that I can come to know and commune with the God of Love?

Jesus came to earth to teach us how to know and love God. By his miracles, awesome teachings, and merciful death and resurrection, as a disciple of Christ, we can choose to live a life constantly seeking to know and love the One True God. With Prayer, the Gospels, and the church, revelations about God’s love for me is experienced at times when I’m at my lowest. God’s love saves me; His mercy endures forever.

In God’s presence, I understand that mercy is an essential virtue to practice when loving others because this world is imperfect. As a weak human being who makes daily mistakes, I am constantly following the way of Jesus so I can love like him.

Jesus teaches: But to you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you , pray for those who mistreat you; then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as [also] your Father is merciful. –Luke 6: 27, 35-36

 

Never Give Up; Never Give In

Hope in healing
Hope in healing

Depression and hope are opposing forces that can be balanced with a commitment to never give up and never give in, filling the heart with sorrow and joy. The sorrow comes when relationships are difficult, and joy comes when relationships are enduring. However, living with the personality of depression encourages the acceptance of ‘blame’ for relationship problems, which can lead to self-loathing and broken friendships. Still, healing choices must be made and both sorrow and joy are the result. Deciding to leave a toxic relationship or stay in it takes courage, and whatever the decision, self-worth must remain intact. For those of us who live with depression, finding self-love is a daily pursuit. Never give up and never give in, no matter what the voices say.

Unapproachable You

You’re unapproachable, don’t you know

Your transparent anger keeps others away

Offended by everything, you turn and go

Unwilling to fight for a friend and stay.

You think you must be liked for who you are

High in the universe, you refuse to beg

Believing you have already gone too far

Standing alone, there’s much you’ve said.

You speak the truth, with all its pain

Death and decay created by life and growth

Completely alone, you drown in the rain

Consumed by the evil you so deeply loathe.

Perfection is your desire for everyone else

For yourself you want respect for your faults

You live life wanting it fueled by generous wealth

And poverty rules with your daily serving of loss.

Depression has become your loyal best friend

Always there for as long as you can remember

Everyone smiles even when your friendships end

Because deep emotions are too much of a bother.

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/16230215@N08/8432852019″>The only Reality</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

Self-discovery with Self-love

Mystery and Discovery
Mystery and Discovery

Everything should be embraced as a journey; to find gratitude in pain is to find oneself following through while facing fears. To keep on keeping on until the lesson is learned and growth has bloomed, with the simplicity of every moment that should be shared in truth. Truth to oneself, truth in faith, even when feeling unheard and alone. We can’t give up for the triumph is always near. As there is beauty in the dark, there is beauty in the light:) Self-discovery with self-love is the journey.

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Shy away, shy away phantom.

Run away, run away shadow.

Tear away, tear away blind sides.

Drive away, drive away, and test the time.

Burn away, and watch the ashes rise.

Rise above, out of the smoke, through to the other side.

Search, crawl, yearn, walk, and continue to yearn…abide.

 

Black as night, night you find.

Chains that shackle your thoughts in mind.

Dew is dawn and dawn be still.

After evermore, another altered fill.

 

Shy away, shy away phantom.

Run away, run away shadow.

Tear away, tear away blind sides.

 

The brightest star that’s seen;

Watch it burn and watch it shine.

Feel the burn, the burn inside.

In the pain, embrace that flame,

And shine it all the way.

Touch the rain, and thirst the beauty of all its gain

Kiss the night, for the night turns to day.

Watch that star as it lights the way.

 

Drive away, drive away, and test the time.

Burn away, and watch the ashes rise.

Rise above, out of the smoke, through to the other side.

Search, crawl, yearn, walk, and continue to yearn…abide

Endure the now in time.

~Kacie Bennett: Contributing Poet

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/50220975@N05/5861567144″>Lovestory</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;